i. every time a dude i hooked up with becomes friends with another dude i hooked up with, i die a little inside. that's way more honesty than i'm comfortable with.
ii. i'm pretty sure our friendship is the reason i'm going to hell.
iii. okay, but ground rule: no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea"
iv. what if i want romance AND getting laid???
v. excuse you. don't trash talk my snuggie. the snuggie is bae.