» stand there and watch me burn.

[recoined]

hit me with your best shot.

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Comments

tfln.

[recoined]

i. ... okay, fine. but i don't want to be a better person tonight. i want to be a better person tomorrow.
ii. he told me I was "too flexible." excuse me???
iii. update: i had to break up with him. i had no idea we were even dating.
iv. i may still be partially handcuffed to the bed but i think i'm getting breakfast in bed out of this so don't rescue me yet...
v. sorry, is this motivational speaking or sexting? it's getting hard to tell.

iv

[obdurates]

i felt securely on the winning side when i left you handcuffed
now i'm finding out you're still getting breakfast delivered out of it
doesn't seem fair

[recoined]

( "oops." )

if i don't get breakfast out of this, i might not have any energy left in me
which would really defeat the purpose of leaving me cuffed all morning

you should be proud of my resourcefulness here

ii

[amarillos]

uh is he an idiot? if so ditch him because how is being flexible a bad thing exactly?

[recoined]

my magic 8 ball says "definitely yes"
apparently it's "intimidating"
i'm not sure why everything is in quotes anymore

( iii. )

[aberth]

i mean, i thought you were just friends too so at least you're not alone in your obliviousness?

[recoined]

how does this even happen?
he's so hot
and yet so clingy

it's like the twilight zone of hook ups

v.

[unhesitating]

both? ish.

i can multi task.

it works with boss man.

[recoined]

okay now i need an example
i'll be jason
motivationally sext me, go

ii

[bikinimail]

excuse HIM there is no such thing

v

[quarterbacking]

both?? kind of. it started out as 'team leader' conversation
you're the one that steered it the other way

i

[quarterbacking]

and you want me to go along with this planned procrastination

tfln take two.

[recoined]

i. every time a dude i hooked up with becomes friends with another dude i hooked up with, i die a little inside. that's way more honesty than i'm comfortable with.
ii. i'm pretty sure our friendship is the reason i'm going to hell.
iii. okay, but ground rule: no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea"
iv. what if i want romance AND getting laid???
v. excuse you. don't trash talk my snuggie. the snuggie is bae.

iii

[amarillos]

guess that means that both jason and billy are out.

ii.

[eggsy]

pretty sure our friendship is the reason i'll die of liver failure, so i guess it's only fair i damn you to hell.

iii

[cranston]

so I'm jsut like... not allowed to come/?

iv. ya thirsty heaux

[acuerdo]

that's a really tall order for someone so short.

v

[quarterbacking]

the snuggie is a crime against humanity, kimberly. just admit it.

ii

[chamberlain]

at least you won't be able to say you haven't lived a full life.

tfln take three.

[recoined]

i. can we wait to see what happens before we start making plans and starting fires?
ii. why does patience have to be a virtue? why can't HURRY THE FUCK UP be a virtue?
iii. why can't i make out with captain america?????? IT'S ALMOST VETERAN'S DAY!
iv. remember, this is a secret... we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied.
v. no. i am too tired to deal with your everything. reread this every time you feel the need to text back and then don't.

iii

[beanchaointe]

Honey, that wasn't Captain America. Let's not disgrace the abs of Chris Evans, with whatever that mess was.

iii.

[recruited]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that wasn't meant for me was it?

iv

[focally]

if i try not to look suspicious
i'm just gonna look more suspicious
what am i supposed to do???

v

[redcoin]

Geez, Kim, what'd I do this time?

iv.

[unhesitating]

but what about looking suspicious AND sexually satisfied